Drawing from your own reserves

How old is the average child when they first learn to tie their shoelaces? When the mother and I dnm, one of her favourite recurring stories to tell is that of when she bought me my first pair of lace-up shoes and told me to do them up on my own. After giving it a few goes, she says that I let the laces fall, looked up to her from my sitting position on the floor and stated simply in English, 'I can't do it.'

Now, this story always makes me a bit depressed, when I look at it from the societal lens where persistence is always admired and rewarded. The Little Train That Could? The generic protagonist from that movie you saw awhile ago on tv that no-one believed in, and yet made it in the end and showed everyone up? That one guy we all know who after more than a year's worth of courting, finally gets the girl? My own determination to do well in the face of my high school who told me not to do methods in year eleven... you get the general idea. Was toddler-me that much of a quitter? It really didn't sound like I tried at all!

My mum thinks otherwise. Particularly after my impassioned rants about what I want to do with my life in the future, she'd always preface the story with, 'I knew from when you were small, that you were different from other kids...' and to her, it was the clarity with which I acknowledged my limitations that she found surprisingly impressive. 

Most of my friends view me as a cynic so they find it strange that my family actually thinks the polar opposite of me. To them, I'm the driven idealist who's always got mass-scale change on the mind. What to do as the lone wolf with a future BA when your mother was a sensible teacher of Chinese medicine, your father a sensible engineer and your sister a sensible doctor? Apparently reassure them through the recollection of little anecdotes like this, I do know my limits.

All very well and good, but I'll just leave this here...

Kudos to Ouran High School Host Club - you continue to serve me well.

... and bide my time.

For too long, my excuse for not writing has been a lack of inspiration, of worthwhile stories and carefully crafted (or deliberately 'raw') characters. This beautifully simple idea which resounds with me now can't only be acknowledged, but put into practice - if you want someone to believe you, the best place to start is by telling the truth; your own truth.

"Writers are liars my dear, surely you know this by now?"

 --Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 3: Dream Country.